Support Means Seeing the Whole Iceberg

It was one of the hardest “pep talks” I’ve overheard in a long time.

A student sat with their parent at the table beside me, while I was waiting to meet a friend. It was a quiet café and a quiet morning, but the tone at their table cut through everything.

Not cruel or malicious, just sharp. Edged with frustration and heavy with a kind of impatience parents only feel when they’re scared their child is falling behind.

“You just need to try harder.”

“You have to focus more.”

“If you don’t push yourself, you’ll never catch up.”

“You’ve got to stop being lazy about this.”

On and on it went.

The child stared at their hot chocolate, with shoulders rounded, eyes fixed on the swirl of foam like it might hide them.There was a tiny tremble in their lip, blink-and-you’d-miss-it.

And all I could think was:

What if they can’t just try harder?

What if this isn’t about effort at all?

What if it’s about skill gaps, strategy, executive functioning, emotional overload… or simply not knowing how to bridge the learning moment they’re stuck in?

At APA, I’ve spent years watching something powerful happen when students learn to do more than “work harder.”They learn to reflect, to locate the actual breakdown, to name what’s confusing, to choose tools, to shift strategy, to regulate, to plan, to revise.

And suddenly, effort becomes effective.

Here are the questions I wish every child got asked instead of “try harder”:

• Where are you getting stuck? Show me the exact moment it stops making sense.

• What strategy did you use? What might you try next?

• Does this feel confusing, overwhelming, or just boring? The fix is different for each one.

• What’s one small change that might help you get started or stay focused?

• What do you already know here that we can build from?

Because perseverance is important—of course it is.But perseverance without strategy?That’s just exhausting.

Kids don’t need louder instructions.They need better tools.They need adults who slow down long enough to see what’s underneath the struggle.

As an academic coach and tutor, this is the heart of my work:

• turning confusion into clarity,

• turning overwhelm into steps,

• turning “try harder” into “try differently.”

  
  

And for every parent navigating homework battles, here’s the truth I keep seeing:

Support isn’t about pushing more. It’s about partnering better.

A child who feels understood learns differently.

A child who feels capable shows up differently.

A child who feels safe to struggle eventually becomes a learner who knows how to succeed.

So if your child is in a tough learning season, ask the gentler questions.Look for the missing strategy, not the missing effort.

And if you want a calm, curious partner to help map out what’s really going on beneath the surface, I’m here.

Not to pressure, or judge but to listen,

and help your child discover the strengths that have been waiting inside them all along.

What’s one question you wish you’d been asked when you were struggling in school?

I would be honored to partner with you in your child’s growth. If you’re ready to give your child the Accelerated Potential Academy Advantage, reach out to us today: info@acceleratedpotentialacademy.com  or 403-866-3806

Mary Printz, M.Ed. is the co-founder of Accelerated Potential Academy  and MaryPrintz.com  She is a long standing educational leader, teacher trainer, speaker and Life and Executive Coach. You can contact her at info@acceleratedpotentialacademy.com