ADHD, RSD & the Hidden Cost of Criticism: When Growth Feels Like Survival

By Miss Mary | Accelerated Potential Academy & Mary Printz Coaching

We often say that constructive feedback is key to growth and it is. But when feedback becomes constant correction, especially for children with ADHD or adults navigating neurodiverse experiences, something quietly devastating can happen.

This isn’t about being too sensitive. In fact, individuals with ADHD are often profoundly resilient. They mask, adapt, and push through. But over time, that resilience can come at a high cost.

Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) is the emotional fallout many experience after even small moments of perceived rejection or criticism. For those with ADHD, it’s not just emotional, it’s neurological. The reaction may be invisible on the outside, but internally, it can feel like a tidal wave of shame, panic, or fear. Calm and competence often mask internal collapse.

As ADHD expert Dr. Russell Barkley notes, by the time a child with ADHD turns 12, they’ve received 20,000 more negative messages than their peers. Imagine what that does to a developing sense of self. Or to an adult who has learned to succeed outwardly while carrying the silent burden of never feeling “enough.”

Over time, this isn’t just discouraging,

it’s damaging. What some call “death by a thousand cuts” is really the accumulation of misunderstood traits, unmet needs, and misinterpreted behavior. We begin to see the symptoms:

• A child who stops raising their hand

• A teen who avoids challenge

• A high-performing adult who overworks, isolates, or doubts their worth

  
  

This isn’t weakness. It’s a response to emotional injury.

As an educator, coach, and developmental strategist, I’ve worked with countless brilliant students and leaders who’ve internalized the message: “I’m too much and never quite enough.”

We can change this. Growth doesn’t require pain. Accountability doesn’t require shame. And feedback doesn’t need to feel like survival.

It’s time to move beyond deficit-based models and into strength-informed, emotionally safe spaces. That means learning how to support regulation, build trust, and recognize that each brain, especially a beautifully wired ADHD brain needs relationship more than correction.

This isn’t about lowering expectations. It’s about raising our standards for how we care.

Because true resilience doesn’t come from pushing through.It comes from being seen, supported, and safe.

Let’s do better for our kids, our colleagues, and ourselves.

#ADHD #RSD #Neurodiversity #Wellbeing #Inclusion #Leadership #EmotionalIntelligence #Education #MaryPrintzCoaching #AcceleratedPotentialAcademy